Day 97 ~ A Bench at Wal-Mart

Apr 7, 2014     

My instead: I managed to make my friend Kelly go from basically bored and then amazingly angry to bursting with laughter.

My friend Kelly and I had every intention of going to the “party” in downtown St. Louis celebrating the Cardinal’s home opener. It would be my “first” for the day! However, she called at midday and said she was going to be late because of a last minute schedule change. We decided that we would just go to the neighborhood bar and grill, watch the last half of the game and get a bite to eat. Yeah! The Cardinals beat the Reds, 5 – 3. They won the game right as we were paying our bill.

With both of us in need of laundry detergent, I suggested that we go to Wal-Mart afterwards. When we left the pub, Kelly just seemed out of it. I even asked her point blank if she had ANYTHING to look forward to. She quickly said no and was not joking. I wanted to pursue the subject and play therapist, but she was NOT having it. The rest of the way to the store was unusually quiet.

The photo department had some pictures ready for me to pick up, so I headed there. Kelly was going to check out some discounted movies. Once I got my photos, I joined her at the $4.88 movie shelves. When we were done with that adventure, we were going to head over to the detergent aisle. I had this idea to sit  down on a bench in the department just to do something different, to connect, to beat the humdrums of a Monday night. Something! Again, she was NOT having it. I sat down and said I wasn’t leaving until we could sit a bit and see what happens. She left.

There I was sitting on the bench in Wal-Mart’s photo department. I looked around at the different photo offerings, examined again my picture purchase, and messed with my phone a bit until it rang. It was Kelly. She told me to get my butt over to the detergent aisle. No! I told her I had a “box of chocolates”, trying to lure her over with my Forest Gump routine sitting on that bench. She still insisted that I go to her. No! She finally relented and appeared before me with detergent in hand telling me that she was not one of my grandchildren. She was pissed! And she let me know it. I was NOT giving up. I kept making fun of her and her stubbornness. Before long she started laughing, then I was laughing, then we both were laughing until our stomachs ached.

We did it! Instead of enduring another monotonous Monday, we broke away…on a bench at Wal-Mart.

Day 96 ~ Boys Allowed

Day 96 ~ Boys Allowed

Apr 6, 2014    

My first: I invited my nephews, Connor and Aidan, to check out my new shower and the roof outside my bedroom window.

My sister had some free time from her busy life and called to ask if she and her sons could come over to finally see my newly-renovated master suite. I was home and not going anywhere so I said “come on over”.

Her sons were eager to see the changes to my home. They ran to the door at the end of the hall and started to open it. No way, boys! You have to wait for Mom. They waited until their mom was ready and with eyes closed, I slowly opened the door. They stepped inside and ran around checking out my new living quarters. Connor just couldn’t believe how those old cluttered rooms transformed into this clean open space. He loved it. They found the bathroom and I invited them to “take a shower”. They stepped inside and loved pretending to wash their hair.

They found the window at the rear of my room and noticed the roof right outside. It’s the roof to my four-season room below. Well, then they had to go to my deck and wave while I peeked and waved to them from my window. I think you call it “getting or finding your bearings”. Then I did a silly thing and offered them my roof to sit a spell…kind of like their “first”. They were READY! My sister was a nervous wreck the whole five minutes they were out there. I could have told them it was the “top of the world” and they would have believed me.

This was an eye-opening “first” for me because I got to see all that they were seeing through their young, innocent and ever-curious eyes. Watching them explore and discover what I see every day was a reminder to me to savor the simple things. What a refresher course as I head into the second quarter in my year of “firsts”. Thank you, Connor and Aidan, for lending me your eyes today.

 

Day 95 ~ Coffee Crawl

Day 95 ~ Coffee Crawl

Apr 5, 2014       

My first: I went to my first coffee (not pub) crawl.

My friend Maureen asked me to accompany her to the 5^th Annual Maplewood Coffee Crawl. I said great because it would be a “first” for me and it really sounded like something I would enjoy and do again!

The morning was crisp and sunny, perfect for the warmth of coffee conversations. We arrived at the Maplewood Coffee Crawl about an hour and a half after the start time. The lines of people were staring back at us confirming that this was the place to be! We joined the ranks waiting for that first sample of the “perfect brew”. Maureen likes her coffee black and strong enough to chew. I, on the other hand, have to add my sweetener and creamer to make it palatable. We then stepped into the world of “Strange Donuts”.  Maureen enjoyed a chocolate mint doughnut while I ventured out and had my first bacon-topped doughnut. It wasn’t bad, but it would probably be better when freshly-made with crispier bacon. Also, the extreme sweetness of the doughnut was too much competition for the saltiness of the bacon. Gosh, am I becoming a food critic!

We went on to the next shop called “Pie Oh My!” That was a very quaint establishment with warm sunshine coming through the window where a bar and stools awaited its customers. Of course, we ended up right there with two of the shop’s creations. Maureen had an asparagus quiche and I had an apple, green chili, pecan pie. Yes, I said green chili! It was surprisingly very tasty. I think the green chilies had much to do with the enrichment. I am on a roll with food “firsts”, right! At “Pie Oh My” we met a mother/daughter tag team (Polly and Mary Jo) that was so delightful. They immediately warmed up to us and we talked like friends from a past life. I told them about my “firsts” and my aspirations to write a book at the end of my year. They were so engaged and ultimately gave me their contact information so as not to lose the connection we all had. Often we say “it was nice meeting you” or “it was a pleasure”, but neither phrase describes the joy and mutual excitement we all shared that morning. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it and I didn’t…because I said yes to Maureen’s request to join her for a coffee crawl…another “first”.  

We continued to enjoy the sunshine and conversation until the morning became afternoon. Coffee people are a different breed…tea people too! They take moments like these and make them almost magical with their friendly spirit to share and to listen. Maybe heaven will be like one big coffee crawl…and there will be no lines.

Not so bad standing in line

Apple pecan pie with green chilies?



Bacon-topped doughnuts



Like friends from a past life

 

Day 94 ~ Daily Mom and What a Selfie!

Day 94 ~ Daily Mom and What a Selfie! 

Apr 4, 2014       

My two firsts: I texted my three children informing them that I will message them every day “for as long as I live” to stay connected. Also I found a "special person" card/booklet in the mailbox from me to me.  

Having two “firsts” in one day has happened before in this year of “firsts” and oftentimes I only blog about one. This time I have to share both!  

~ Here is the first "first": For about the last week and a half, I have been throwing around the idea about texting my kids every morning “for the rest of my life” to stay connected to them. On my way home from taking my grandson back to his house, I thought about it again and asked myself “if not now, when?”  That was it! Today was the day 4-4-14! Here is the text I sent my kids:  

“Good morning my children, Todd, Kyle and Robin. From now on I will text you every morning for as long as I live or until some other life event makes me unable to do this...like losing my phone, haha! May as well take advantage of all this technology that we have. I've been thinking about doing this for a week or so and this morning I asked myself "If not now, when?"  I promise my texts will not be too long. I simply hope to reach out in a small way every day to the three most important people in my life. That's it!  Have a great day and I love you. Stay tuned!”   

My daughter Robin texted back: “Cool! You don’t have to do it bright n early tho”. I texted my kids later on mentioning that my daily messages may not come first thing in the morning.  

When my kids were little, they were with me every day and I LOVED that. Motherhood agreed with me. Unfortunately, when I divorced their dad, my time with my children became an “every other week” event. Part time mom…that was painful. Now they are all grown and in their thirties. Two of them, Kyle and Robin, live in the area and Todd is in Phoenix, AZ. My connections with them are not quite what I would have hoped for them to be. My kids have their own personalities and their own nurturing requirements from their mother:  

·       Todd has become very distant and I am not talking geography. He was always the closest to me, more so than the other two, because of his sensitive nature. It seems now though that his new life and his work do not need family ties anymore. Very sad for me, but I conform a little bit every day to that void. Yet, I pray that someday he will come back to me…and again I am not talking geography.

·       Kyle is very much like his dad and the two of them share a lot. Kyle does not allow me in. He has that all-too-familiar wall that his dad had while we were together. I am a strong woman, but some things I just cannot penetrate…but I never give up. He did say “I love you” however the other day without my saying it first. Maybe there is a little peep hole emerging in that “wall”.

·       Robin is Robin. There are days that we are in sync and it is wonderful. She’s allows me in and gives the “attitude” a little vacation. I relish those moments! We’ve have been through a lot and it’s not all been pleasant...those teenage years leave a residue that takes time to remove, but we are getting there. 

There they are, the precious human beings that came into my life, blessed it, and changed me forever. I cannot imagine my world without them.  My kids are productive and wonderful individuals. My bullet points above may have sounded a bit negative...they simply convey a mother's heartache when a child separates from her more than the umbilical cord will reach. The purpose of my messaging is to once again create that “daily-ness” with my kids. I don't want to miss a day anymore that I show my love to them! 

~ Here is second “first” for the day. I had some time in the afternoon and was going through a shoe box brimming with some old photos. In the mix of all of them, I found this “Forget Me Not – American Greeting” card/booklet. I must have purchased it many years ago to give to someone but never had. I read it and wondered who it should have gone to back then and who would I send it to now. Here is the message from those pages: 

“The Special Person You Are” by Jean Winkler…To Mary From Mary…Keep on Smiling! Believe in yourself! Believe in the special person the world sees every time you smile! Believe in the gifts and talents you have been given…cultivate them…discover new ones…There is no limit to what you can do! Believe in your decisions…Trust yourself to take charge of your own life and do what is right for you…for it is in the freedom to make our own decisions that we find our deepest fulfillment, our greatest happiness. Be kind to yourself even when others are not. Be gentle with your own thoughts and feelings…they matter. Believe in your ability to love…and know that you deserve that gift in return…For the more we can love ourselves…the freer we will be to love and give joy to others. Believe in your uniqueness…There never has been and never will be anyone else just life you! Believe…in the beautiful and special person you are!  

As I read the words and felt the message, I knew immediately to whom this card should go…ME! The author’s words and my passion for this year’s journey were ONE! Some may think this is a crazy thing to do. On the contrary, I recommend this for everyone! Go to a card shop and find the perfect card for YOU. If you can’t find it, shop some more or make yourself one. Trust me that it will not be in vain. Many of us spend time comforting, humoring, pleasuring, thanking, consoling and loving others. How about extending the warmth of that embrace to yourself! After all, nobody knows you better than YOU and that makes you your own perfect card giver!

 

 

Day 93 ~ Sweet Tooth

Day 93 ~ Sweet Tooth 

Apr 3, 2014           

My first: I made a brand new, never-been-tried-by-me dessert for my grandson and me. 

What to do, what to do? Some days are like that…even when you’re not doing “firsts”. But I AM! I had a busy day and then I had to take my car into the shop that evening so it could be worked on first thing in the morning. It was getting late so I decided that this was a good day to make a new dessert that I have never tried before. 

A trip to the store was first on my list…I don’t make desserts very often so my “in house” ingredients are not at home! Now this is going to be simple, folks. The recipe I chose was from the lid of the Cool Whip container! Lots of labor does not guarantee a better dessert, right? Just to make it a little more interesting and innovative (but not more difficult), I altered some of the ingredients: pistachio pudding and butterscotch syrup instead of chocolate pudding and syrup. All you chocolate lovers never mind! 

My grandson called and wanted to come over so I got him on board with this venture after my trip to the store. When we got to my house, I got busy whipping up the pistachio pudding and cutting up the pound cake for this layered delight. Tyler played games on my old (his new) laptop. I worked on a blog for my “first” from the day before while we waited for the dessert to chill.  

Tyler finished with his games and went to the living room to chill as well while I finished my blog. While putting the finishing touches on my posting, I yelled “Tyler” to my grandson in the other room…no answer. His day was done. He can fall asleep faster and more sound than anyone I know, hands down. Dessert for breakfast? Why not! I dished him up a small bowl in the morning, but he didn’t really like it. How can you go wrong with pudding, Cool Whip, pound cake and syrup? He said it was too sweet. Well, it wasn’t too sweet for me. Let’s just say, it was all gone after my night time snack and breakfast and lunch the next day. My sweet tooth is unrelenting these days! 

Time spent and expertise in the kitchen are both running pretty shy these days. When you live alone, mealtime ingredients are convenience, speed, and frugality. There’s just too much other stuff to do!

 

 

Day 92 ~ Disconnected

Day 92 ~ Disconnected 

Apr 2, 2014 

My first: I went all day with no outside world technology: phone, TV, radio, computer! 

A day without technology is like a day without _______________(you fill in the blank)! My answer is at the end of this blog…no peeking!  

It is a must when you “disconnect” as I did to advise some people…you know, the ones who might think you fell into an abyss if you don’t respond to a text or phone call. So…I called my mother and texted some friends, my kids and my sister to bear the unfortunate news that Mary would NOT be available for techno interaction. There would be no phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no Facebook messaging between me and anyone. However, I would be around for “up close and personal”…in other words, IN PERSON. If they wanted to come visit, I was more than willing to “set a spell” and “chew the fat”.  

On the way to my first job, I missed my turn because my zoom-zoom thoughts were wreaking havoc on my brain. After all, I had no radio to listen to nor anyone to talk to on my phone. And then at that job, the lady had her TV on downstairs. What is up with that? I told her what my “first” was today! I had to really be cognizant to NOT listen. Usually, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it and would have paid no attention, but my Tech-NO challenge made me notice.   

In the afternoon I took my car in to have some diagnostic work done. They had the TV on in the waiting area. I looked at it out of habit and quickly turned my head away and then laughed at myself. One of the mechanics took me home while they checked my car out. I ended up spending most of the afternoon alone. And I mean ALONE. Singing and talking to myself doesn’t make me crazy, right? Part of me wished that I would have weaned myself a little bit by choosing only ONE of my “de-vices” to boycott that day. But no, I had to go for broke.  

Unpredictably, my time alone that afternoon without my technology made my “being alone” somewhat of a cross to bear. My phone, the TV, the internet, and my music station all help make my life pleasant and satisfying. They are, dare I say, my aggregate “significant other”.  This admission makes it difficult for me to understand why some people are so attached to their “de-vices” when they DO have a mate. Is it kind of like being unfaithful in a non-sinning kind of way? 

Alone time is not foreign to me. I do it quite well, I think, really. But it sure is nice knowing that I can talk to someone any time, text if I want, take a photo with my phone, or, for gosh sakes, Google something! I just can't lean over and snuggle. 

 

 

 

 

Day 91 ~ Train of Thought

Day 91 ~ Train of Thought 

Apr 1, 2014 

My first: I rode the St. Louis Metrolink from the college (SWIC) to Lambert Airport and back again with no destination in mind. 

With book (No Excuses by Brian Tracy) and notebook in hand, I boarded the St. Louis Metrolink at the community college station. I was en route to St. Louis Lambert International Airport, but not intending to get off at any station in between. I was “along for the ride”. I always wanted to do this with my grandson Tyler when he was much younger (he’s eleven now), but he was always too afraid to board the train with those monster doors and all. 

The night was chilly and rainy; a perfect night to escape. I was ready to gaze out the window at the moving landscapes and then bury myself in my book and maybe even take some notes. And that is exactly what I did! It’s funny how you can concentrate on a “train to nowhere”.  

Talking to people was not my plan. I just wanted to look and feel like that lonely, mysterious rider (or is it writer?). I doubt if anyone paid attention to me, but I didn’t really bother to look up and notice. I did ask a young black man to take my photo, of course! And he did it without hesitation. His name was Steve, just like one of my best friends. Was it a sign? Of course it was! This was where I was supposed to be at that moment in time! 

The book I’m reading is helping me to increase my self-discipline to achieve the things and the life that I want (not that my life is horrible because it’s not). This author has some pretty good ideas and I was soaking them up during my ride. The BIGGEST goal that I have right now is to write a book when my year of “firsts” is complete. I am getting some really good pointers to start me in the right direction and keep me there. My mind was going faster than the train.

This was a great getaway for me…another vacation in my day. Sometimes vacations can relax you, stimulate you, enrapture you, lavish you, or just plain give you a break! This one definitely stimulated me to move forward and keep moving forward.  If you stand still, you’ll eventually go backwards because you have to move in one direction or the other. I choose FORWARD!

Let’s just say that my “train of thought” took me to more than just the other side of St. Louis and back.

And on a humorous note…for the first time in my life, I had a “one-track mind”.