Day 94 ~ Daily Mom and What a Selfie!

Day 94 ~ Daily Mom and What a Selfie! 

Apr 4, 2014       

My two firsts: I texted my three children informing them that I will message them every day “for as long as I live” to stay connected. Also I found a "special person" card/booklet in the mailbox from me to me.  

Having two “firsts” in one day has happened before in this year of “firsts” and oftentimes I only blog about one. This time I have to share both!  

~ Here is the first "first": For about the last week and a half, I have been throwing around the idea about texting my kids every morning “for the rest of my life” to stay connected to them. On my way home from taking my grandson back to his house, I thought about it again and asked myself “if not now, when?”  That was it! Today was the day 4-4-14! Here is the text I sent my kids:  

“Good morning my children, Todd, Kyle and Robin. From now on I will text you every morning for as long as I live or until some other life event makes me unable to do this...like losing my phone, haha! May as well take advantage of all this technology that we have. I've been thinking about doing this for a week or so and this morning I asked myself "If not now, when?"  I promise my texts will not be too long. I simply hope to reach out in a small way every day to the three most important people in my life. That's it!  Have a great day and I love you. Stay tuned!”   

My daughter Robin texted back: “Cool! You don’t have to do it bright n early tho”. I texted my kids later on mentioning that my daily messages may not come first thing in the morning.  

When my kids were little, they were with me every day and I LOVED that. Motherhood agreed with me. Unfortunately, when I divorced their dad, my time with my children became an “every other week” event. Part time mom…that was painful. Now they are all grown and in their thirties. Two of them, Kyle and Robin, live in the area and Todd is in Phoenix, AZ. My connections with them are not quite what I would have hoped for them to be. My kids have their own personalities and their own nurturing requirements from their mother:  

·       Todd has become very distant and I am not talking geography. He was always the closest to me, more so than the other two, because of his sensitive nature. It seems now though that his new life and his work do not need family ties anymore. Very sad for me, but I conform a little bit every day to that void. Yet, I pray that someday he will come back to me…and again I am not talking geography.

·       Kyle is very much like his dad and the two of them share a lot. Kyle does not allow me in. He has that all-too-familiar wall that his dad had while we were together. I am a strong woman, but some things I just cannot penetrate…but I never give up. He did say “I love you” however the other day without my saying it first. Maybe there is a little peep hole emerging in that “wall”.

·       Robin is Robin. There are days that we are in sync and it is wonderful. She’s allows me in and gives the “attitude” a little vacation. I relish those moments! We’ve have been through a lot and it’s not all been pleasant...those teenage years leave a residue that takes time to remove, but we are getting there. 

There they are, the precious human beings that came into my life, blessed it, and changed me forever. I cannot imagine my world without them.  My kids are productive and wonderful individuals. My bullet points above may have sounded a bit negative...they simply convey a mother's heartache when a child separates from her more than the umbilical cord will reach. The purpose of my messaging is to once again create that “daily-ness” with my kids. I don't want to miss a day anymore that I show my love to them! 

~ Here is second “first” for the day. I had some time in the afternoon and was going through a shoe box brimming with some old photos. In the mix of all of them, I found this “Forget Me Not – American Greeting” card/booklet. I must have purchased it many years ago to give to someone but never had. I read it and wondered who it should have gone to back then and who would I send it to now. Here is the message from those pages: 

“The Special Person You Are” by Jean Winkler…To Mary From Mary…Keep on Smiling! Believe in yourself! Believe in the special person the world sees every time you smile! Believe in the gifts and talents you have been given…cultivate them…discover new ones…There is no limit to what you can do! Believe in your decisions…Trust yourself to take charge of your own life and do what is right for you…for it is in the freedom to make our own decisions that we find our deepest fulfillment, our greatest happiness. Be kind to yourself even when others are not. Be gentle with your own thoughts and feelings…they matter. Believe in your ability to love…and know that you deserve that gift in return…For the more we can love ourselves…the freer we will be to love and give joy to others. Believe in your uniqueness…There never has been and never will be anyone else just life you! Believe…in the beautiful and special person you are!  

As I read the words and felt the message, I knew immediately to whom this card should go…ME! The author’s words and my passion for this year’s journey were ONE! Some may think this is a crazy thing to do. On the contrary, I recommend this for everyone! Go to a card shop and find the perfect card for YOU. If you can’t find it, shop some more or make yourself one. Trust me that it will not be in vain. Many of us spend time comforting, humoring, pleasuring, thanking, consoling and loving others. How about extending the warmth of that embrace to yourself! After all, nobody knows you better than YOU and that makes you your own perfect card giver!