Day 148 ~ Different But the Same

May 28, 2014     

My instead:  On the way to my client’s house in Mascoutah, I detoured to revisit the country road where my Grandpa Merod was raised.

After my Grandma Merod died in 1986, I would take my Grandpa Merod on little excursions to get him out once in a while. On one of these outings, he and I traveled to Rentchler Station Road, the country road where he grew up. On that day, I took a photograph of him standing in front of the land that he used to farm.

And now 28 years later, I decided when I got up in the morning that I would travel this road again in hopes of finding his land. It was a little bit of a detour on my way to Mascoutah, but I was drawn to do this for some reason. I drove around looking for something to remind me of where his land might be, but my memory of that day was more of my grandpa and not so much about geography. I remember that he was proud to show it to me and a bit reminiscent as well. After all, it was in this “neck of the woods” where he met my grandmother, Amelia Schneider.

That morning I found all kinds of discoveries like a covered bridge, man-made lakes and subdivision upon subdivision. The countryside had indeed changed from 1986 and certainly from when my grandpa was a child and a young man. He shared with me on our little expedition that he used to take a horse and buggy to town (Belleville) and it was always an all-day affair. While driving on those back roads now, I imagined him tooling along down the dirt road.

All the changes since then, but still some similarities…blue sky, clouds and the land.

I just hope we can keep it that way…

 

Day 147 ~ Thanks, But No Thanks

May 27, 2014     

My instead:  I took a dessert treat to one of my clients.

Surrendering to my sweet tooth craving, I had made a peach dump cake the prior evening. That next morning I had work to do for my 89-year-old client, Rich. As usual, I was pondering about what to do as my “instead”. Why not take a dessert treat to Rich! He’s been widowed less than a year and still seems like a lost little lamb at times. Maybe that would cheer him up! I also surprised my mom by stopping by on the way to Rich’s house with a piece of the dessert!

After I knocked and entered Rich’s kitchen, I found him busy hanging new curtains he had just bought from Wal-Mart. With pride and pleasure, I immediately presented to him my delicious peach dessert. “I don’t eat fruit” was his comeback. I could feel the disappointment take residence on my face. Nope, can’t let him see that. Then I jokingly said, “Fruit is good for you…it’ll help you to live a long life”. He didn’t get it.  Like a little boy, he retorted “I eat plenty of vegetables”. I put the lid back onto the container of dessert and went on with the business of hanging curtains.

My Aunt Dora lives across the street from Rich, so I called her and asked if I could bring over a surprise. I took the previously-rejected dessert to her and she accepted it graciously. Ah, that felt so much better…simple gratitude. And she even knew she was the second choice for receiving the treat.

My act of kindness towards Rich was totally altruistic. I expected nothing in return…but maybe a “thank you”. And sometimes one does not even get that…but that doesn’t mean that I should stop being kind. The thank you will come, if not now, then…if not from Aunt Dora, from someone who gets it.

I’ll just keep on giving…

Day 146 ~ Honorable Mention

May 26, 2014     

My instead:  I attended (and photographed) a military service for Memorial Day.

Memorial Day morning was busy for me. I had to clean a house faster than usual in order to get to Smithton in time for their Memorial Day service scheduled for noon. After I had finished, I rushed home, got cleaned up, grabbed my camera and headed out the door.

As I got closer to the cemetery, I noticed my mom’s car. She was doubling up on Memorial Day activities, having just left Green Mount cemetery’s service. I parked my car and walked up to where she and her friends were sitting. I got my camera and zoom lens out and began looking for that perfect shot.

The Anthem was sung, the Pledge of Allegiance was recited, and speeches were made. There was a wreath laying ceremony as well. After the 21 gun salute, Taps was played by a nice young man who had recently been accepted into the Naval Academy.

When it was all over, the crowd disbursed and another Memorial Day service was on the books. We had done our duty to honor the men and women that served our country, especially those that lost their lives doing so.

Noticing all the elders that had participated or observed the service, I couldn’t help but wonder how long this tradition would be a part of the Memorial Day holiday events. Will it die off along with all the veterans that have passed? Will their sacrifices be forgotten?

But what about right now? How many of us genuinely honor? Dare I mention this? Is it simply pseudo honor?

Maybe next time I’ll put the camera down…

 

Day 145 ~ My Own Best Friend

May 25, 2014     

My instead:  After a hard day of staining my deck, I was going to entertain ME.

I had started prepping my deck a couple of weeks ago with a good power washing. Then came the waiting. When do I start to stain to get ‘er all done while the weather gods are smiling? Memorial Day weekend arrived and it was time. I was able to get most of the railing done the first half day. The second day I finished up the railing and then it started to rain…just a tease, but enough to make me pray. Go figure. And it worked! God, I love God!

The floor boards dried quickly and there I was on my knees (prayer of thanks) slapping on the stain.  As God would have it, the day grew pretty and promising.  A day of solitude, sun, and stain…what could be better? I also got my planters planted and my torch tower set up. Life is good!

After I was all de-stained and cleaned up, I fired up the grill and filled my wine glass full of grapefruit juice. I was looking forward to “entertaining” me. Then my friend Kelly called on her way back from the swim party that she had invited me to. We talked a bit and I felt I should ask her to come over. My solo supper was off.

She arrived and we chatted outside on my newly-stained deck, enjoying the fruits of my OCD labor. Or at least that how Kelly saw it. I guess when you have the task at hand and follow through from start to finish, you’re OCD. I saw it as energetic and tenacious. I was hurt and angry. We ate dinner and we got passed it all, I guess. She eventually left. My evening would have been more satisfying and peaceful without her visit and her judgment. A word to the wise: If someone has worked all day on a weather-dependent project, do not call them OCD.

Am I becoming my own best friend? Maybe I should be! Maybe I should have been all along…

Day 144 ~ A Place to Be

May 24, 2014     

My instead:  I went to a yoga session under the St. Louis Arch.

At one of my business meetings a couple of weeks ago, one of the women there informed me about Yoga at the Gateway Arch. I knew instantly that I would be doing this on my next available Saturday morning. So “instead” of pancakes with syrup and butter, I did yoga at the Arch!

I arrived under the Arch a tad bit late, but that was okay. No one noticed because they were all in their “zen” place. I just put my stuff down, laid out my mat, took my shoes off and began my very first yoga lesson. I had no difficulty doing any of the things the instructor was suggesting. Sometimes I had a hard time seeing her, so I just copied off everyone around me. But being under the St. Louis Arch was amazing and actually kind of surreal. I loved being a part of something like that. I felt this was my place to “be”. To me there was this sense of purity surrounding everyone there. Was it because our purpose being there was mutual? I felt like it was It was a communion of sorts.

At the end of the session, I asked the young woman next to me if she would take a photo of me in a yoga pose on the mat. She, of course, obliged me and afterwards we struck up a conversation. We exchanged names and hers was Emily. As usual, I was spewing from the mouth with all the stuff that I’m doing this year and she shared that she would be starting a new job and moving to St. Louis in September. She was very open to me and did not seem standoffish at all. We walked up to the right leg of the Arch and asked a couple to take a photo of us in front of the Arch. And, of course, we took one or two of them in return. They were from Boston and very cordial. Was it just me or did everyone seem just a little friendlier than usual?

My Saturday morning was like no other. Yoga was fun and interesting and Emily was a delight! I will go again soon as time permits. The yoga sessions last through June, so I’d better keep my Saturday mornings open!

Why in the world was I not grabbing onto new and different things to do before 2014? Not to say that I haven’t done anything new in the past, but this new regimen of mine has opened up what feels to me like the universe...the universe out there and the universe inside me.

Day 143 ~ Shift Work

May 23, 2014   

My instead:  I worked a shift in the “It Works! Global” tent at the St. Louis Rib Fest.

Because one of our teammates was unable to work her shift in the It Works tent at the St. Louis Rib Fest, I volunteered to fill in. Without hesitation, I said yes! The cost was $25 to cover part of the fee to enter the event, but the possibilities of how this could affect the growth of my business were enticing to me. So why not!

Fortunately, my teammate Jennifer, was my partner for the evening. She is a delightful, authentic and healthy individual. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to get to know her better and to learn from her. We had a great time sharing with each other and teaching people about our health and beauty products.

Unfortunately, we had to close up shop about an hour and a half early due to no lighting in our tent. Jen and I talked to the Rib Fest staff and arranged for lighting to be installed for the remainder of the Memorial Day weekend. It felt good to be “in charge” and make decisions along the way as we saw fit. Jen and I worked so well together which just added to the enjoyment of this new experience for me.

So here I am, at almost 62-years-old, workin’ it! I would never have envisioned doing something like this at “my age”. But I love NOT always knowing what is just around the corner. I simply embrace it!

 

Day 142 ~ Open Door

May 22, 2014     

My instead:  I enrolled my first distributor into my It Works! Global Business!

Maureen and I have been friends for over 25 years. We have had our on-again and off-again currents throughout those decades. And that’s okay. We have held onto the essence of what makes our friendship work.

I had been mentioning to Maureen here and there about my new business venture “It Works! Global” and in the beginning she was a bit cynical and somewhat negative. I kept talkin’…not incessantly, but just enough to keep the door ajar. Then during one of our many conversations, she expressed some interest. That’s all it took! She opened the door the rest of the way and I kept entering with tidbits of information about how it all works.

Tonight she became my first distributor! My daughter Robin came over to help and she SHINED when she described all the products to Maureen and explained in more detail about the company. It was wonderful to witness Robin in action. And the amazing thing is that this was all done over the phone!

The passion that I’m feeling about working on this team is immeasurable. We’ve only just begun the fun! The challenging thing will be to maintain balance in my life with everything else, but I’m getting pretty good at that.  

I have learned so much in the 2 ½ weeks since I enrolled. And one that sticks in my head is that sometimes NO means NO only for a while.

 

Day 141 ~ Trick and Treat

May 21, 2014     

My instead:  I visited my mom and took her a hot fudge sundae to enjoy

Unfortunately, it seems I only go to my mom’s if there’s a reason. It’s either to get something or to bring something back or to do some work or to take care of some business. The list goes on and on. And this evening was no different. I had a table, a pie plate, and some plastic containers to return to her.

Mom opened the door to let me in with my hands full of her stuff and two hot fudge sundaes! Surprisingly, she expressed immediate delight with my ice cream treats. Suffice it to say, I don’t do this kind of thing…ever. My thoughtfulness had perfect timing though! She had eaten a little bit earlier and now her sweet tooth was ready to chow down. We sat and enjoyed our desserts while we chatted about what was new.

Of course, I eventually had to go home and get some stuff done. As we started to say our good-byes, we stood out by my car and shared a little more. Mom even talked about her dad and all those farming memories. It was very nice and relaxed…just like the old days sitting on the front porch.

This old dog (and I’m talking about me) is learning new tricks. And sometimes that trick can be a real treat!

 

Day 140 ~ Arch Andy

May 20, 2014     

My instead: I took my grandson Andy to visit the St. Louis Gateway Arch.

Every other Tuesday, my grandson Andy and I have each other. The day is ours! He is just a little over 2-years-old, so he is not much on expressing his preferences on where to go and what to do. I, on the other hand, have a plethora of possible activities up my sleeve when our Tuesday rolls around.

The Gateway Arch was the destination on this particular day. Andy was in a great mood as he usually is. We walked up to the Arch and he looked up at it, but he was really not too impressed. We got closer and he was able to touch it, but still no realization of the magnificence of this second tallest monument in the United States.

When we went to the top, Andy was starting to get into it. The elevator was a piece of cake…no fear or claustrophobia. At the very top, he headed for the windows to check out what all the other kids were checking out! Andy nonchalantly took in the “city side” and 30 seconds was enough of that. However, the “river side” held his interest a bit longer. He loved watching the little boats way down there making their way up the river and under the bridge. The hustle and bustle of all the people and lots of kids added to the excitement of this venture. Success! He loved it!

We left and headed back to my car, but on the way we sat on a grassy slope and watched the train move across the landing. We had to take in a helicopter leaving the heliport as well. Then it was time for lunch. As we grabbed a quick lunch, I realized that I was missing my phone. Uh-oh! We went back to my car…no phone. Uh-oh! I decided to go back to where we were sitting on that slope. I walked with a purpose, not looking at or speaking to anyone. We arrived at the spot where we had sat and there it was! My phone was resting on the grass undisturbed. My prayers were answered! I was elated, knowing that I did not have to face all the hassle of getting a new phone.

On the walk back to the car, I was telling anyone that would listen about losing my phone and then “miraculously” finding it. Everyone was very receptive to my exuberance, I guess because they all knew what it’s like to be missing a phone.

I laughed at myself about my immediate change in personality from when I was en route to find my phone and then the transformation on my way back after discovering it in the rough. I told my daughter-in-law Shaundra the story and she said “See, that just reminds us that we never know what people are going through.” I’m like “Yeah, you’re right!” I had originally been thinking of the whole ordeal and my Jekyll and Hyde shift.

I guess I’m human after all…

 

Day 139 ~ Wrap Happy

May 19, 2014     

My instead: I performed an It Works wrap on someone else besides me.

I joined “It Works! Global” a couple of weeks ago and have since started using some of their wellness and beauty products. Seeing is believing, right? So I figured who better to convince than myself.

And that is why I am in the process of the doing the Ultimate Body Applicator (Body Contouring Wrap). As they say “One wrap is a treat and 4 wraps is a treatment.” You’re supposed to do one wrap every 3 to 5 days, so I have one more wrap to go in my “full treatment” of four wraps.

In order to get more evidence to support my claims selling this product, I asked my daughter-in-law Shaundra if she would do the full wrap treatment as well. Because Shaundra is a fine family member whose moral support I would like to have (at least), I gave her a half price offer as a gift, not a bribe. She agreed to take on the challenge.

I went over to their house around 7:30 and we all filled our bellies with Abbey’s freshly-made guacamole and some chips. Then Shaundra took a shower and did her exfoliation as recommended. I got my trusty camera out and took several shots of her tummy, front and side views. We proceeded to apply the applicator to her abdomen and then I wrapped her up in cellophane. “What! Leftovers again?” Oops, sorry…old joke!

It was a fun and silly evening with the activities and the banter surrounding this whole project. Shaundra and I were both wrapped and eager to see those amazing results waiting for us on the horizon…or at least on our respective abdomens!

 

Day 138 ~ Make it Your Own

May 18, 2014    

My instead: I interrupted a neighborhood whiffle ball game just so I could have a bat!

My friend Kelly and I went out for a late lunch and we were feeling a bit sluggish from our carbohydrate-filled meals. When we got back to her house, I suggested that the two of us walk off some of our “guilt”. She leashed up her dog Bart so he could join us on our journey.

We were only two houses down the road when we spotted two boys playing a little game of whiffle ball. As we continued to walk on by, I paused and yelled to them asking if they were brothers. They said “NO!” “Are you cousins?” They answered “No, we’re just friends”. I said “Well, you guys sure look like you’re related”.  By then, I was standing in the yard and decided to ask them if I could have a bat. They graciously obliged me, but were probably thinking that Grandma here was losing her marbles…and maybe she was!

I asked Kelly to hold my phone and take the usual photos while I busied myself revisiting my youth. Aviston was the pitcher and Kyle was the catcher. I told them I was Mary. Aviston’s dad came outside and we were all chatting about the hazards of playing whiffle ball. I was swinging away and was actually getting a few descent hits. When I finally got one last good hit, I handed the bat to Kyle and gave him a “high-five”.

I walked off the “field” and joined Kelly and Bart in the street to continue our walk. I looked over at Kelly and said that it’s as simple as that! It’s not rocket science and it may not change the world. Just take a moment and make it your own.

 

Day 137 ~ Eviction Notice

May 17, 2014     

My instead: My daughter Robin and I had a garage sale.

My “stuff” was becoming like an annoying roommate, hogging too much of MY space and irritating me with its very existence. Renovating my kitchen and my bedroom forced me to give away some things, pitch some things, and relocate some things.  Now my garage and basement are accommodating my “roommate”. Give me clutter or give me space! I'll choose space any day!

I discovered that the neighborhood behind mine, Woodridge Estates, was holding a neighborhood-wide yard sale. Hmmm. Is it time for me to take on that challenge again? Dare I tick off the rain gods? Back in June of 1985, I had a moving sale which brought on a monsoon in the whole Belleville area…or so I thought. After that experience, I joked that if we’re ever in a drought and really need the rain, I’ll just have a yard sale!

I decided anyway to give it another shot and hold a garage sale. This time my daughter Robin would be at my side to stave off the rain gods. After all, she isn’t 2-years-old anymore! We got everything organized and priced out the day before and were ready for business on Saturday. Suffice it to say, sales were not exceeding all the effort exerted. Funny thing though is that profits were not the driving force behind this maneuver. Evicting my “roommate” was!

I asked Robin at the end of the day what she thought about this venture hoping she would say, “The best thing was spending time with you, Mom”. A mom can dream, can’t she? She said she wasn’t looking to make a lot of money with her contribution to the sale. I chimed in that it was nice spending time together. She agreed. We even went to the Art on the Square afterwards!

The gods were merciful that day. No rain, good chats with customers, and time spent with my Robin. These wonderful blessings keep coming my way!

Why me?  I'm purging the unused and unnecessary stuff from my home, my health, my head, and my heart. That's why...

Day 136 ~ Blinders On

May 16, 2014     

My instead: I mowed the tall grass at a neighborhood house that had been horribly neglected.

I drive by this house (and lawn) about half the time that I leave my subdivision. I never noticed the lawn getting taller and taller of late. Tonight my daughter Robin and I drove by on our way to post yard sale signs and Robin made a commented “What’s going on here?” I looked and could not believe my tired eyes how bad the yard looked and I had not noticed before now. When we drove by the second time on our way back to my house, I said “I’m going to get busy with my lawnmower”.

When we got back to my house, I asked Robin if we were finished for the day. We agreed that we had done enough for the day. We will deal with tomorrow tomorrow. She left and I got my riding lawnmower out and headed for the “jungle”.

As I mowed this disgusting growth, I reminisced about how this yard looked when Dale and Joyce lived there. What happened to them? Had their lives turned out like this lawn? Why do some people’s lives become a mess like this yard?  And why do other people just go by and neglect this sad phenomenon? Is this world going to be like a company that goes under because each department only cares about their own status and not at all about the big picture?

I guess as long as things are going good in our lives, we don’t have to be concerned….until

 

 

 

Day 135 ~ Photo Bomb

May 15, 2014 

My instead: I kept my promise and presented a photo to someone who had requested a printed version instead of electronic.

On Cinco de Mayo, I went out to lunch with my friend Norman at the Swansea Family Restaurant. I had asked the server to take a picture of Norman and me so that I would have it for my blog. The server then asked me to take a photo of him and Norman. I gladly obliged. After all the picture taking was done, Norman and I ate our meals and were about ready to leave when the server asked if I could get him a copy of the photo I took of him and Norman. I agreed to do that for him.

I printed the picture of the two of them, framed it and then went to the restaurant to present it to the nice young man. I walked in and asked him if he remembered me? I reminded him that I had come in there with Norman a couple of weeks ago. He acted like he remembered. I said “Well, I promised to give this to you” and handed him the framed photo. He was pleasantly surprised. He said “thank you very much” and then he asked how much he owed me. I said that he did not have to pay me for that. I then asked the other server to take our picture (again for my blog).

As I headed towards the door, he said thank you again and I said “my pleasure”. I turned and snuck a peek at him. He was smiling, looking at the picture and shaking his head like he couldn’t believe that I had done that for him. I could feel the smile growing on my face and in my heart. 

 

 

 

Day 134 ~ Call ME Instead!

May 14, 2014     

My instead: I said to a friend "Call ME the next time you're in a 'bad place'; I'll be your 'instead'".

My work schedule took me to one of my recently widowed clients today. Her name is Joanne and she lost her husband Paul last July. When I arrived, we started our gab session like we generally do, but today it seemed a little more voracious because I had more time to spare. One of our discussions got pretty philosophical. Moms get that way when they’re talking about their kids, no matter what their age.

Sunday had been Mother’s Day and Joanne had a day of mixed emotions. Her out-of-town daughter Karen had sent her a card and Joanne was fine with that since Karen lives in Florida. However, Joanne had no plans yet with her two local daughters or at least none that she knew of. It was getting close to 2 o’clock in the afternoon and neither of those daughters was making any brownie points with their silence and absence. Joanne could feel herself getting angry and sad about being forgotten. She had decided that if she did not hear from them, she would write them each a “nasty email”. Joanne was NOT in a good place!

"No sense in waiting around the house", she thought. She wanted to leave to show them that she could make her own plans and do just fine without them. Her big activity consisted of going to the grocery store. When she was on her way home, her daughter Kathy called her and asked where she was because everyone was at the house. Apparently, Debbie, the other daughter was supposed to have called her mother to inform her that they would be coming over to visit with all kinds of food prepared. Well, Debbie forget to call...

As I listened to Joanne’s story, I could feel her anger and pain about being forgotten on this special day, especially since she is living alone now. “Isn’t it ‘funny’ that all that gloom could have been avoided if Debbie would have just called the day before?” I asked. I was empathetic and she could tell that. I reflected on my year of “insteads” that I am doing to bring more joy to my life. I reminded her that being in that “bad place” and wanting to get even really didn’t feel good. She agreed right away. So why not do something instead? I was throwing out a couple of suggestions and finally I said, “Call ME the next time you feel like that”. We can go out for an ice tea or something. I told her that she should not let anyone make her feel that bad and sad, not even her daughters. I explained that this is what my year is all about…doing something INSTEAD of the insane stuff we’ve been doing that brings little or no joy. The look on her face was saying “YEAH, NO KIDDING”. It was a phenomenal moment shared between the two of us and it never would have happened had I not been on this year long quest to do the “insteads” in life that will bring more joy.

Day 133 ~ Wet Feet

May 13, 2014     

My instead: I did a partial product presentation at an It Works! Global party.

I went to another It Works! Global party tonight, but this time I got up in front of everyone and actually promoted one of the products. It went something like this:

About a year ago, I purchased a Nutri-Bullet off an infomercial. This little gadget pulverizes fruits, vegetables and whatever down to the cellular level and that is where all the nutrients are! Or at least that is what I remember them saying on TV. So, of course, I bought one! Can’t live without it, right? Wrong. While I remodeled my kitchen, it sat in its box for months. Then it was time to remodel my office, so I moved the Nutri-Bullet into its new home in my kitchen cupboard. And there it sits…the only time it gets any action is when I dust it! Honestly, I am just not a person who will repeatedly go to the grocery store or farmers market to buy fruits and vegetables, go home, wash them, blend them in the Nutri-Bullet and then clean up all the mess. Seriously? That is way too much work and way too much money. That is not me!

About 3 months ago, I became a loyal customer using the Greens from It Works! Global. When I received my order, I opened one of the individual packets, poured it into a bottle of water and drank it. And I have been doing this every morning ever since. This product is saving me money while making me healthier. And the berry flavor is great.

The people at the party listened and understood my reasoning. It felt good to stand up and proclaim something that I really believed in. I got my feet wet tonight and soon I will be diving in!

 

Day 132 ~ Moot Point

May 12, 2014     

My instead: I went all day without wearing make-up.

There had to be an “instead” day where I wore no make-up, right? So this was the day! Now I didn’t really go anywhere fancy…it was a Monday for heaven’s sake. I had only one place that I had to go to maintain some windows. When I entered the house, the first thing out of my mouth was “Okay, you know I do an “instead” every day…well, today is the day I go without make-up.” They both looked at me and that was about it. Neither one of them cared. After all, I was just there to work, not marry their firstborn.

As I worked, I forgot all about my nude face. What you see is what you get. There was no more mention about it and it essentially was a moot point.

When I was done working there, I called my friend Barb and left her a message hoping to come by. When I got home, she called me back. We talked on the phone for a couple of minutes and I asked if I could come over for a bit. She was happy to have the company so I was on my way!

Barb had been diagnosed with breast cancer recently and was dealing with all the medical repercussions from that horrifying news. The last time I visited her, she had no make-up on and “vanity” was just a piece of furniture. So when I arrived with “naked face”, I knew I would be greeted with a sense of camaraderie…and I was. Barb and I shared what had been going on with our lives...kids, grandkids, growing older, illnesses. It was comforting for both of us…just like years ago when we were “besties”.  

When life happens, it eventually makes things that used to seem so significant simply moot points.

 

Day 131 ~ Just to Reach You

May 11, 2014     

My instead: I posted a message on Facebook to my daughter-in-law wishing her a happy Mother's Day and she is not a mother…she is a nurturer.

When I texted my kids last week telling them that I had osteoporosis, my son Todd texted back to me to “Speak only victory about your health”. We texted back and forth a bit and then left it at that. Later that evening as I was mowing the lawn, I thought “why not victory in other things” and one of those things is my relationship with my daughter-in-law, Kyra.

Our relationship is not what I would want it to be. We are separated by many miles so reminders of our estrangement are very few. It hurts when I feel helpless about improving “us” and becoming loving again. I just don’t know what to do or say anymore.  

However, I have witnessed wonderful things about Kyra that have absolutely thrilled me and made me love her throughout the years that I’ve known her. So…Mother’s Day came around this year and I was drawn to say something to her from my heart with so much love to express. I posted this on Facebook: Happy Mother's Day, Kyra! Yes, I know it's not biological, but you have been such an amazing nurturer to so many (me included) that you cannot be ignored on this special day! Your legacy will be far reaching! I love you.

I long just to reach you….