My Instead: I spoke with Tyler about being truly sorry after hitting
his cousin Abbey in the face with a basketball the night before.
Last night when my son Kyle and his wife Shaundra came to pick up their
kids, Abbey and Andy, we all sat a spell in my living room. Noticing a basketball
sitting around as well, my grandsons, Tyler and Danny, decided to toss it
around. Why didn’t Grandma (that be me) say “No playing ball in the house.”? Abbey
and Andy became part of the ball toss. Soon Andy got beamed in the head, but was
okay. Abbey asked Tyler to throw it fast at her, which Tyler did. Ouch! Next
thing you knew, Abbey was in tears in her mother’s arms. Shaundra was mad and I
knew it. Tyler apologized like a typical kid (I’d better do this so I don’t get
into more trouble). It didn’t work so much. Shaundra and the rest of the family
were out the door. I knew Shaundra was livid.
The next morning, Tyler and I were alone in the kitchen while
Danny was outside shooting hoops. Let the preaching begin! I tried to explain to
Tyler about Shaundra’s anger…how a mother can be when her child has been hurt.
Then I continued: “What about Shaundra’s perception of you? She likes you, Tyler.
But when you hurt her daughter, be it on purpose or by accident, her image of
you is damaged. It is up to you to repair it as best you can by giving her a
sincere apology…looking her in the eye. Are you TRULY sorry? Of course, you are
and I know that, but Shaundra needs to hear it from you.” Tyler understood as
best as an 11 ½-year-old could.
Since we were going to my sister’s later that day for a birthday
party, I asked if he would give Shaundra a sincere “I’m sorry” then. He said he
would.
While at the party and after several urgings and reminders, Tyler had
still not done the deed. The meal, the gift opening and the birthday candle
blowout were finished. Shaundra and Kyle announced that they were ready to
leave. I yelled downstairs to Tyler. No answer. Then I went down to “encourage”
him once more. He went upstairs and I was able to hear the tail end of an “I’m
sorry”. He ran back down to the basement to continue playing with his cousins.
Shaundra immediately said to me that I made him do that. I said no, I encouraged
him to do that and that they can’t learn if you don’t teach them.
Caring “what other people think” is oftentimes thought to be a
futile exercise. But is it really? In some cases, I would say yes. Some people will
think what they want no matter what you do. Their “filters” are too muddied with
their own ugly self-image to see anything but what they see in the mirror. On
the other hand…well, this next paragraph may shed some light on what I mean…
I recently read an article by John Wooden stating that “Your
reputation is who people think you are, your character is who you really are.” The
article leaned towards the thinking that you can only have one or the other: a
good reputation or good character. I disagree. Yes, I guess one can have a
great reputation, but be a little stinker on the inside. However, none of us is
perfect and we are bound to slip in either of these arenas. It’s a given. However,
I believe nurturing your character will naturally nurture your reputation, at
least to the people that are wise enough to know genuine when they see it.
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