My Instead: I walked on a snowy nature trail alone at night.
As I worked my second job today in the warmth of my client’s home,
a beautiful snowfall blanketed the earth. It was the kind that clung to the
barren tree limbs and also to those stubborn leaves still hanging on for dear
life. It was the kind that you could
just sit at your window and watch it fall. It was the kind that set the mood
for Christmas. It was the kind for which a hot chocolate would be the perfect
accessary. It was the kind that could seduce you and say, “Go take that winter
wonderland walk”.
It was almost 5 o’clock and night was falling as quickly as the
snow. My destination seemed farther away than I thought because of my growing determination
to get there. When I finally arrived, I parked the car in the vacant parking lot and walked
up to the park playground that my grandchildren and I enjoyed in the summer. It
looked lonely and forgotten.
I began my trek on the path around the lake to the opening leading
into the snow-laden woods. The trees seemed to weep as the snow melted from their branches. As I continued on the desolate trail, I was alone...and feeling
lonely. I felt a yearning for people. Where are they? Then I beckoned the
deceased…my dad, my grandparents, my friend Beth, my uncles and aunts and
cousins. I struggled trying to feel their presence in the darkness. God was there with me, but even His presence felt
distant. What was happening? Did I need background music and twinkling lights
to appreciate this? Did I need someone there with
which to share this moment? How lonely being alone can be!
“Get me out of here!” My pace quickened as I headed to my equally lonely Honda in the
parking lot. My vulnerability felt like an open wound. Where
should I go? To Mom’s...of course.
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